Book Recommendations from Nina
Love is Stronger Than Death : The Mystical Union of Two Souls
Bourgeault, Cynthia. New York: Bell Tower, 1999
“Bourgeault, an Episcopal priest and professor of theology, met Brother Raphael Robin in 1990 while attending a Colorado training workshop in centering prayer. The elderly monk lived in seclusion in a mountain cabin. The romantic yet platonic relationship that ensued between the 50-year-old Bourgeault and the 70-year old hermit lasted five years, until his death. Both believed that a relationship can continue beyond this life, and here Bourgeault describes her search for that connection after Robin’s death. The unusual love story is told from a girl-meets-boy perspective. Though some readers will be turned off by the emphasis on the after-death relationship, others will enjoy this well-written telling of an unconventional intimacy. [The book will appeal to those interested in] mysticism, inner transformation, or dealing with grief.” — Leroy Hommerding, Citrus Cty. Lib. Inverness, FL, Library Journal, 03630277, 7/1/1999, Vol. 124, Issue 12
“This is a most unconventional love story: two aging individuals in search of God meet and immediately recognize ‘the beloved’ in the other. Together they attain what they could not do alone. They discover the highest form of human love, a love that joins them as one soul and defies death. This is a spiritual book about human passion.”
— Isabel Allende, author of The House of the Spirits (quoted on amazon.com)
Final Gift : Understanding the Special Awareness, Needs, and Communications of the Dying
Callanan, Maggie and Patricia Kelley. New York, NY: Simon & Schuster Paperbacks, 2012
“This book is aimed at helping the reader understand the “special awareness, needs and communications of the dying.” It was written by two hospice nurses who have been at the bedside of numerous terminally ill patients and their families. It describes “nearing death awareness,” the sometimes puzzling changes that occur as a person nears death. In the final days and hours of life, dying people often make statements or gestures that don’t make sense and seem to indicate confusion. But this book makes a strong case that we need to listen closely to the dying because they are far more aware and in control of the dying process than most of us realize. This book is comforting, but it is also a practical guide for dealing with death. Reading it after my mother’s death helped me make sense of the experience.” — Parker-Pope, T. “Lessons on dying: Essential books to help understand life’s last moments.” Wall Street Journal, August 2, 2005.
On Living
Egan, Kerry. New York: Riverhead Books, 2016
“Lessons about life from those preparing to die. A longtime hospice chaplain, Egan shares what she has learned through the stories of those nearing death. She notices that for every life, there are shared stories of heartbreak, pain, guilt, fear, and regret. Every one of us will go through things that destroy our inner compass and pull meaning out from under us, she writes. Everyone who does not die young will go through some sort of spiritual crisis…The author’s anecdotes are often thought-provoking combinations of sublime humor and tragic pathos. She is not afraid to point out times where she made mistakes, even downright failures, in the course of her work. However, the nature of her work means living in the gray, where right and wrong answers are often hard to identify. A moving, heartfelt account of a hospice veteran.” — “On Living,” Kirkus Reviews, 19487428, 8/15/2016, Vol. 84, Issue 16
Being Mortal: Medicine and what Matters in the End
Gawande, Atul. New York: Metropolitan Books, Henry Holt and Company, 2014
“Dr. Gawande’s book is not of the kind that some doctors write, reminding us how grim the fact of death can be. Rather, he shows how patients in the terminal phase of their illness can maintain important qualities of life.” — Wall Street Journal (quoted on amazon.com)
“Beautifully written . . . In his newest and best book, Gawande has provided us with a moving and clear-eyed look at aging and death in our society, and at the harms we do in turning it into a medical problem, rather than a human one.” — The New York Review of Books (quoted on amazon.com)
Being with Dying: Cultivating Compassion and Fearlessness in the Presence of Death
Halifax, Joan. Boston ; Boulder: Shambhala, 2008
“Joan Halifax reflects intensely on the process of dying. Her underlying theme is that being with the dying can make us ever more present in life. She suggests that the process of coming to terms with dying can be transforming. The book has a spiritual flavor and is told from the perspective of a wise elder. Each chapter begins with a story to illustrate a lesson and ends with a meditative reflection.
The book begins with a discussion of language and of a personal life philosophy and then explores many arenas of life. These include questions of life priorities, finding truth and meaning, letting go of fear, and the possibility of communities of care. Halifax also touches on existential areas related to the dying process such as love, forgiveness, appreciation, and surrendering to the dying process. She finishes the book with an interesting discussion about grief and the care and respect of a body after death. The book is a prescription to achieving fulfillment and meaning in life in the Buddhist tradition.” — Dahlin, Constance. 2010. “Being with Dying – Cultivating Compassion and Fearlessness in the Presence of Death.” Journal of Palliative Medicine, 13, no.1: 88-89.
“In this moving meditation on palliative care, Halifax tells a story about a dying Zen teacher who confesses to his students: “Maybe I will die in fear or pain. Remember there is no right way.” This sentiment forms the core of a book that provides practical and philosophical guidance to caregivers. Drawing on her 30 years of experience in the “contemplative care of the dying,” Halifax honestly enumerates the challenges of being with the dying while exalting it as “a school for unlearning the patterns of resistance… [it] enjoins us to be still, let go, listen, and be open to the unknown.” According to Halifax, “bearing witness to dying” can teach innumerable lessons to the living-assuming “we give up our tight control strategies, our ideas of what it means to die well.” Halifax is a Zen priest, and while many of her teachings derive from Buddhism, her supremely readable book will attract readers of all faiths who will appreciate her clarity and compassion and the poignancy of these stories of ordinary people facing their final hours with quiet courage.” — “Being with Dying: Cultivating Compassion and Fearlessness in the Presence of Death.” Publishers Weekly, 00000019, 4/21/2008, Vol. 255, Issue 16
When Breath Becomes Air
Kalanithi, Paul A. New York: Random House, 2016
“A neurosurgeon with terminal lung cancer writes here about his own dying — and one of the oddest discoveries he shares is the fact that after his diagnosis, he has to live an entirely different life. Who knew that a massively truncated future would inflate to such intimidating proportions? You’re finished, so who can you be in the time you have left? Kalanithi’s own answer is contained in this essential book. — “Teeming with death.” New Scientist 234, no. 3121 (April 15, 2017): 44. (quoted on amazon.com)
In his sublime “foreword [that] might be better thought of as an afterword,” Abraham Verghese reveals that he came to know Kalanithi “most intimately when he’d ceased to be.” That, too, is true of every listener here. Neurosurgeon Kalanithi died in March 2015 from lung cancer at the age of 37 and was, by all accounts, an exceptional human being. This posthumous release is an exquisite treatise on how to live. — Hong, Terry. 2016 “When Breath Becomes Air.” Library Journal 141, no.5:79-82. (quoted on amazon.com)
Visions, Trips, and Crowded Rooms: Who and what You See before You Die
Kessler, David. Carlsbad, Calif: Hay House, 2010
“David Kessler writes of a world that is rarely talked about, much less examined with such sensitivity. His stories reveal dimensions of the death experience that are anything but depressing, and at times absolutely joyful. In a book filled with intriguing and inspirational tales, Kessler makes a compelling argument that death is not the end.” — Marianne Williamson (quoted on amazon.com)
Healing into Life and Death
Levine, Stephen. Garden City, N.Y: Anchor Press/Doubleday, 1987
“While working with the terminally ill, Levine, director of the Hanuman Foundation’s Dying Project, discovered an interesting phenomenon. In preparing for death, many were being healed. Levine also noticed that those who became physically well were often in better health than they had been before. Further study led him to conclude that the physical healing was a by-product of a new balance of mind and heart. Vivid case histories of patients are used to illustrate how individuals learned to let go, become open to life, and stop struggling against illness, pain, and death. Levine discusses meditation and how to use it to “heal into life and death.” This approach is certainly not for everyone, but for many terminally ill patients and their families it may offer new hope and peace.” — Mary L. Kirk, Univ. of North Carolina at Wilmington Lib., Library Journal (quoted on Amazon.com)
Beyond Sympathy: What to Say and do for Someone Suffering an Injury, Illness Or Loss
Lord, Janice Harris. Ventura, CA: Pathfinder Pub, 1988
“A great book for everyone who is trying to be there for someone they care about! As a grief counselor, I still consider this the best book published for those who are in a supporting role.” — Judy Brigham (Amazon customer review)
The Five Invitations: Discovering what Death can Teach Us about Living Fully
Ostaseski, Frank. New York: Flatiron Books, 2017
“Frank is a pioneer in mindful care at the end of life. He embodies the wisdom and compassion he shares in these magical and compelling pages. You feel it instantly, because it is real, and it is really about you and your life.” — Jon Kabat-Zinn, founder of MBSR and author of Full Catastrophe Living and Coming to Our Senses (quoted on amazon.com)
“This book distills a compassionate shepherd’s lifelong experience with death and dying.” — Bill Moyers, journalist, social commentator, and producer of “On Our Own terms: Moyers on Death and Dying” (quoted on amazon.com)
“These moving teachings can open your heart and change your life. For decades, Frank has been a compassionate guide to thousands of people facing death. In The Five Invitations, he shares his timeless wisdom, beautifully, as a blessing to all.” — Jack Kornfield, international Buddhist teacher and author of A Path With Heart (quoted on amazon.com)
“As a physician, I often work with people who view death as the ultimate isolating experience, solitary confinement for eternity―the ultimate dark terror. In this extraordinary, eloquent, and powerful book, Frank Ostaseski reveals how we can transform this darkness into a bright light (brilliant in every way), a return to the source, the ultimate in intimacy, healing, and meaning―the essence of love. What could be better than that?” — Dean Ornish, M.D. and New York Times bestselling author of The Spectrum (quoted on amazon.com)
“The Five Invitations is a remarkable book, one that is deeply needed by all of us. Five invitations to live our lives fully, in the present, all the way through. Frank Ostaseski, whose journey spans over three decades of creating and participating in the hospice movement, imparts timeless wisdom that should inform our every day: How to embrace uncertainty and live with joy, peace, and acceptance. This is not a book about death, it’s a book about life and living. Buy it, share it, live it―I know I will.” — Henry S. Lodge, M.D., Robert Burch Family Professor of Medicine, and coauthor of the Younger Next Year series (quoted on amazon.com)
“Frank Ostaseski speaks with clear wisdom and deep compassion. Sharing stories and insights from his decades of working with people at the very end of their lives, his ultimate revelation has to do with how meaningful, in both our living and our dying, is the capacity to be open to and present in grace. His words offer much worthy of contemplation and his service to all of us is worthy of deep respect.” — Kathleen Dowling Singh, author of Grace in Dying: How We Are Transformed Spiritually As We Die and The Grace in Aging: Awaken As You Grow Old (quoted on amazon.com)
The Bright Hour: A Memoir of Living and Dying
Riggs, Nina. New York: Simon & Schuster, 2017
“Poet Riggs (Lucky, Lucky) has lived under the shade of both a celebrated and a disheartening family tree. The great-great-great-granddaughter of Ralph Waldo Emerson, she was diagnosed with breast cancer, “one small spot,” in her late 30s, and she can name a raft of relatives suffering from the same disease, among them her paternal grandfather. Other family cancers included her mother’s multiple myeloma. This memoir travels the stages of Riggs’s illness, along with the author; her husband, John; and their two boys, Freddy and Benny, as she relates past experiences and current anxieties—her cancer metastasizes and is declared incurable. Riggs quotes RWE when it fits (and it always seems to), as well as one of his subjects, philosopher Michel de Montaigne. She reminds us that we are all in this world until we leave it; the gallows humor surrounding her mother’s funeral will make readers howl guiltily but appreciatively. VERDICT Whether confronting disease or not, everyone should read this beautifully crafted book as it imbues life and loved ones with a particularly transcendent glow. [Nina Riggs died on February 26, 2017.] — Fox, Bette-Lee. “The Bright Hour: a Memoir of Living and Dying.” Library Journal 142, no.6 (April 2017): 103-104.
“Nina Riggs did not feel prepared when she learned that a small spot in her breast was malignant . . . [She] was only 37. Her sons, Freddy and Benny, were eight and five; she was not ready to leave them. Merrymaking had its place, but it didn’t address her concerns. And the afterlife, if it existed, was unknowable.
So Riggs, a published poet, turned to writing as a way to shape and contain her experience . . . Riggs is neither spooky nor gloomy. Her book’s title comes from a journal entry by Ralph Waldo Emerson — her great-great-great grandfather — in which he praises morning, a “moist, warm, glittering, budding and melodious” time when one can “cease for a bright hour to be a prisoner of this sickly body” and “become as large as the World.” Riggs’s love of the world shines through every chapter, even as the ground shifts beneath her.” — “The Bright Hour: A Memoir of Living and Dying” by: Neff, LaVonne, Christian Century, 00095281, 10/11/2017, Vol. 134, Issue 21
The Violet Hour: Great Writers at the End
Roiphe, Katie. New York: The Dial Press, 2016
“In this absorbing and affecting book, Roiphe (In Praise of Messy Lives, 2012, etc.) chronicles how Susan Sontag, Sigmund Freud, John Updike, Dylan Thomas, and Maurice Sendak dealt with what Freud called the “painful riddle of death.” She chose them because she always “felt some heat coming off their writing.” The last thing Sontag wanted to do was die. She was ferocious in her fights against three cancer attacks. She finally succumbed to cancer of the blood but not before enduring as a last resort great suffering and pain from a blood transfusion procedure using near-lethal doses of chemotherapy. She didn’t die; she just wore out from trying so hard to live. Roiphe notes that her hospital rooms always looked like her office at home. Freud approached his impending death from necrosis in his mouth, brought on by years of smoking his beloved cigars (he never quit), with a scientific stoicism. He finally gave up, and his private doctor performed euthanasia. Updike had been writing about death (and sex) since he was young; he often had death panics. When he accepted the fact that his lung cancer would kill him, he turned to poetry, urgent to finish Endpoint. “If style could defeat death,” writes Roiphe, “Updike would have.” Ferociously alcoholic, Thomas turned his preoccupation with death into ragingly beautiful poetry. His death at 39, Roiphe writes, was “both a great shock and utterly anticipated.” Sendak, who kept Keats’ “original death mask” in a guest room, was also obsessed with death and, Roiphe notes, wrote about it constantly in his books. He died at 83 from a stroke. As he told one interviewer: “I’m ready, I’m ready, I’m ready.” An epilogue about James Salter, who died just before Roiphe finished her book, completes this beautiful and haunting work.Never overly sentimental, this is a poignant and elegant inquiry into mortality.” — Kirkus Reviews, 2016 Bestbooks
“Now, 35 years on, here it is. The thread has been woven into an investigation of mortality as revealed through the lives of six “great” writers. “I want to see death,” [Katie Roiphe] writes in a strange, half-apologetic prologue to a book which is itself rather strange and apologetic. But to be clear: when she says “see”, she has in mind shelves rather than hospice beds; novels and poems rather than monitors and morphine. Her subjects are Susan Sontag, Sigmund Freud, John Updike, Dylan Thomas, Maurice Sendak and James Salter, names she chose mostly by instinct: “I’ve picked people who are madly articulate, who have extraordinary and abundant imaginations or intellectual fierceness, who can put the confrontation with mortality into words – and in one case images – in a way that most of us can’t or won’t.”
John Updike also worked at the end, turning “pain into honey” with a book of poems. His deathbed personality was cheerful, drollness being, as Roiphe puts it, more important to him than air; but when a clergyman telephoned him, his gratitude – “I loved him, bless his hide” – was undercut by the knowledge that a priest’s wares only really make sense to “the terrified”. Dylan Thomas, in New York and on a bender, did not rage against the dying of the light, so much as rampage: in the days before he finally drank himself to death, he took Benzedrine that he might stay up a little longer; he also went to a party with whose hostess he had sex upstairs, even as his mistress drank gin and tonic below. Finally, there is Maurice Sendak, who was obsessed by death, but who also, Roiphe believes, found it beautiful. He drew those he loved as they were dying. If this sounds strange, Roiphe understands: in writing her book, she believes, she is doing something not dissimilar. — Cooke, R. “The violet hour: Great writers at the end” by Katie Roiphe (review. The Observer, April 17, 2016)
Waking the Spirit: A Musician’s Journey Healing Body, Mind, and Soul
Schulman, Andrew, Marvin A. McMillen, and Writer of Foreword. New York: Picador, 2016
“Andrew Schulman has chronicled his amazing journey in a book that should be read by everyone, not only by doctors, caregivers and musicians. ‘Waking the Spirit’ recounts Andrew’s own miraculous recovery in an ICU when he was literally brought back to life. His profound discoveries related to healing and self-healing through music will astound the reader.” — Liona Boyd, author of In My Own Key: My Life in Love and Music (quoted on amazon.com)
“In the grand tradition of Oliver Sacks’ Musicophilia: Tales of Music and the Brain, Schulman cannily narrates stories of the ways that music can bring healing not only to the broken spirit but also to the broken body.” — No Depression, Journal of Roots Music (quoted on amazon.com)
“With a winning combination of anecdotal bedside stories, personal experience, and the research of neuroscientists, neuromusicologists, and fellow musicians, [professional guitarist Schulman] offers evidence of the calming, stabilizing, and synchronous (‘entrainment’) physical effects music therapy can have on a patient’s nervous system, pain, and overall health. . . An inspirational testament to the limitless benefits of music and its role in health care.” — Kirkus Reviews (quoted on amazon.com)
A Grace Disguised: How the Soul Grows through Loss
Sittser, Gerald Lawson. Expanded ed. Grand Rapids, Mich: Zondervan, 2004
“Every time someone asks me for my top-ten list of all-time favorite books, A Grace Disguised is on the list. No one could write about tragedy and suffering at this level of meaning without possessing Sittser’s level of authenticity and depth of character.” — Marty, Peter W. 2010, “5 books for ministry” Christian Century 127, no.9: 29.
Animals in Spirit: Our Faithful Companions’ Transition to the Afterlife
Smith, Penelope. New York; Hillsboro, Or: Atria Books; Beyond Words Pub, 2008
“Those who live with and love animals dread the moment when their beloved companions will leave them. Smith, an animal communicator for more than 30 years, and author of two books on talking with the creatures, provides a unique and detailed account, from the animals’ perspective, on the ways they transition from the physical to the spiritual realm. …Readers open to Smith’s claims about animal communication or who grieve departed furry friends will find much in these pages to offer comfort and hope. — “Animals in Spirit: Our Faithful Companions’ Transition to the Afterlife.” Publishers Weekly, 00000019, 9/24/2007, Vol. 254, Issue 38
Four Funerals and a Wedding: Resilience in a Time of Grief
Smolowe, Jill. Berkeley, CA: She Writes Press, 2014
“When we are in the throes of grief, we often look for solace from those who are closest to us, family and friends. But sometimes even those whom we might depend up for support are unable to do so. For many, this could mean despair. For Jill Smolowe, it meant moving forward and translating what she learned about grief into resiliency, which she shares in her most recent book.” — Psychology Today review. June 2, 2014
“In Four Funerals and a Wedding, Smolowe jostles preconceptions about caregiving, defies clichés about losing loved ones, and reveals a stunning bottom line: far from being uncommon, resilience like hers is the norm among the recently bereaved. With humor and quiet wisdom, and with a lens firmly trained on what helped her tolerate and rebound from so much sorrow, she offers answers to questions we all confront in the face of loss, and reminds us that grief is not only about endings–it’s about new beginnings.” — Goodreads review
The Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Dearly Departing
Ware, Bronnie. Carlsbad, Calif: Hay House, 2012
“The Top Five Regrets of the Dying is the most heart‐warming and heart‐breaking I have read this year. It is encouraging inspiration for carers and chaplains, for others who work with or are related to people who are old or dying, and for anyone interested in grappling with deeper questions of life.” — Cronshaw, Darren. 2012. “The Top Five Regrets of the Dying: A Life Transformed by the Death Departed.” Australian E-Journal of Theology, 19, no.3: 254-55.
“After too many years of unfulfilling work, Bronnie Ware began searching for a job with heart. Despite having no formal qualifications or experience, she found herself in palliative care.
Over the years she spent tending to the needs of those who were dying, Bronnie’s life was transformed. Later, she wrote an Internet blog about the most common regrets expressed to her by the people she had cared for. The article, also called The Top Five Regrets of the Dying, gained so much momentum that it was read by more than three million people around the globe in its first year. At the requests of many, Bronnie now shares her own personal story.
Bronnie has had a colourful and diverse past, but by applying the lessons of those nearing their death to her own life, she developed an understanding that it is possible for people, if they make the right choices, to die with peace of mind. In this book, she expresses in a heartfelt retelling how significant these regrets are and how we can positively address these issues while we still have the time.
The Top Five Regrets of the Dying gives hope for a better world. It is a story told through sharing her inspiring and honest journey, which will leave you feeling kinder towards yourself and others, and more determined to live the life you are truly here to live. This delightful memoir is a courageous, life-changing book.” — Review on Goodreads
